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you're not nearly as handsome as me
Age 32, Male
Miscreant
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LOL CAPS LOCK
Posted by McJesus - February 14th, 2008
Comments
No one will steal my hat while my caps lock is on.
DONT BE SO SURE
CAPS LOCK CREW ARE COMIN' THROUGH
CHEW CHEW CHUGGA CHUGGA CHUGGA CHUGGA CHEW CHEWWWWWW
So, I was looking around your basement, and I accidently bumped into something.
Good news, I found your large hadron collider and my black hole maker, bad news, they're both set off to go off in about (checks watch) three hours.
May I suggest we use our dimesion maker to get the fuck out of here?
You can bring anybody who you like, but we have to make it quick.
I will bring my buddy Bryce, the companion cube and myself.
LET'SA GO
(insert Portal-like portal here) (I also brough Tom Fulp, Leejay San, and BBR to moderate the New Newgrounds forum)
*We all go through*
Woah, judging from my dimesional readers, this is a dimesion in which Ebaums is the leading flash portal, Mortal Kombat is actually Civil Kombat, Sonic is the number 1 video game series, with Mario losing it's place since the end of Nintendo's N64.
Mac is used by 97% of the world's computer population, with Windows at 2%, and Linux at a rapidly growing and compatible 1%.
And Newgrounds...oh my god, apparently, it's the Ebaums of this world.
Looks like we just entered an parallel universe.
I think we should wander around aimlessly and then we mi-
PSHHHHH
RANDOM ENCOUNTER
Duh duh duha duhduh dhuhhh duhhud huhuh uduh dduhh
Wild Ebaumer appears!
OMG, ITS LOCKED!
HAPPY CAPS LOCK THURSDAY
AND A HAPPY BELATED CAPS LOCK DAY TO YOU TOO
I attack with "AK-74 in Burst mode"
Wild Ebaumer dies!
LaD and Mcjesus n' Friends win!
Dananannnnnananannannadaaaaannna.
LaD have earned 10000 XP and 20 gil.
LaD levels up to level 25!
McJesus cries!
McJesus enters time machine!
Ten seconds past!
McJesus returns a level 30 mage, skilled with the power of combustion!
The party continues.
The party reaches an apartment complex.
*party pools in all of their money*
Well, thank god I brough Tom and the companion cube (who, surprsigly, has 500,000 bucks on him) with us, or else we would only be afford a one bedroom and a outhouse apartment. Ok, I'll sleep with Tom, Leejay, and BBR, while you sleep with the people you brought, you have a 2 bedroom apartment with 2 bathrooms, and so do we.
Soon, I'll get a computer, or whatever they have that is the latest in technology.
(Example, it's possible we could literally go into the websites, and a virtual computer pops up if you play a game made before Virtual Reality Units exist)
*we rest for the night*
Whoops, meant to say We brought tom and the companion cube.
PSHHHHH
RANDOM ENCOUNTER
Duh duh duha duhduh dhuhhh duhhud huhuh uduh dduhh
Morning appears!
McJesus uses; shun!
It's very effective!
*time passes*
The party wakes up, and Leejay and C.Cube have been organising a browse around the local mall.
Choose your party! Only 5 can come.
MJ and LaD cannot be taken off the team.
Choices;
Leejay
BBR
T. Fulp
Companion Cube
Bryce
All have secret super-special abilities, that aren't revealed until well into the plot.
We'll take C.Cube (Why the hell does he have to be picked? He's so god damn compainoable, we should make it so he's unremovable as well), Leejay, BBR(Banhammer could come in handy) and us.
*we head to the mall*
*we enter*
PSHHHHH
RANDOM ENCOUNTER
Duh duh duha duhduh dhuhhh duhhud huhuh uduh dduhh
Emo gang appears!
LaD uses "LIGHT BOLT!"
It's super effective, two emos go down.
BBR uses "BAN ATTACK"
It's a instant crtical, the rest of the emos go down.
OH NO, it's a surprise emo leader, and he's AGNRY!
Mcjesus and C.Cube uses combo attack "COMPANION POWER"
It's ineffective!
Emo leader hits Leejay for 100HP, Leejay falls down, but is still alive.
Mcjesus uses "Holy Cow Attack!"
It's super effective, the emo leader is stunned for three turns!
LaD uses Sakura Hentai on Leejay, Leejay fully recovers.
Leejay uses "Sunshine" on Emo leader, emo leader is hit for 999HP and dies.
Dananannnnnananannannadaaaaannna!
Party receives 7000XP, and 900gil.
C.Cube is now lvl 29.
Leejay is now lvl 21.
BBR is now lvl 35.
Mcjesus is now lvl 31.
LaD is lvl 27!
*we continue on*
McJesus: Hey look! A store with fancy clothes!
*we enter*
PSHHHHH
RANDOM ENCOUNTER
Duh duh duha duhduh dhuhhh duhhud huhuh uduh dduhh
Clothesrack appears!
BBR uses urinate!
It's super effective!
The clothesrack sets itself on fire!
Dananannnnnananannannadaaaaannna!
Party receives 3.142XP, and 100gil.
LaD: Alright gang, we've got 1k gil now!
McJesus: Split up and look for clues!
LaD: Me and McJesus will search the upper floor.
McJesus: Leejay and BBR, take C.Cube and look on the ground floor.
Hey, a MacMuffin!
*bites a huge chunk from it, gives rest to you*
Mmmm, MacMuff-*spits something out* God, that was gross!
Hmm? Whats this?
*picks it up*
It says it's a holodisk, intended to be used with a PipBoy 00 or up.........wait a minute, these aren't intergreated circuits, these are vaccum tubes!
We must have landed in a dimesion where circuits must have never developed, radiation can cause mutations, and fusion power, nuclear power, and very small vaccum tubes were invented.
That might explain why our car is fusion powered.
I think there was a PipBoy 1 Deluxe on sale in one of the stores for only 500gil! Let's get with the others.
(In case you haven't heard of it, I took the word MacGuffin(MacGuffin, basically a item that the main characters need, but isn't usually elabroated on, for example, the contents in the suitcase in Pulp Fiction) and changed it to MacMuffin.
(loud yelling from downstairs)
"Hey guys, get down here!"
*we jump down*
Leejay: Yo, check it! (points to store)
McJesus: Is that..
LaD: Yep.
C.Cube: .... Aperture Science.
THANK YOU - YOU YOO
UH?
hi mcbjesus im from super ms paint brawl!
Go home.
*we enter the store*
*speaker* Shoppers, welcome to the Apeture Science Store, we sell lots of things, ranging from Sciboys for your small scientific needs, to GlaDos 5.0 units, :
LaD: Uh, Hello?
*a GlaDos pops from under the desk*
GlaDos: Hello, and I'm the clerk for the Apeture Science Store, i'm the orignial GlaDos, may I help you?
LaD: *gulp* Uh, do you know where I can get a PipBoy around here?
GlaDos: Oh, you want out Vault-Tec store down the corridor, after the merge of Apeture and Vault-Tec in 2000, Vault-Tec now sells Fallout shelters and PipBoys. It also has several contracts to build government-controlled Vaults, some for citzens, and some for government personnel.
LaD: Oh, thank you, but, do(hears loud crash).
LaD: What the-LEEJAY!
*Leejay accidently bumped into the lethal control orb that was in GlaDos, luckily, it still functions*
Leejay, what the hell happen?
Leejay: I was just looking at the Portal Gun ad.
GlaDos: Oh, a shipment of those arrived ten minutes, I am supposed to sell them tommorow, but since you're newcomers to this dimesion, I guess I can offer Portal Guns for 250 gil to you.
LaD: Well, thank-Wait, how the hell do you know we're from a differnet dimesion?
GlaDos: It's simple, the particles on your body is very-
BOOOM!
*serveral guys dressed in full brown comes through the wall, then starts to steal everything except for the portal gun which is in the back room, then they start shooting up all of the orbs that GlaDos has, then leaves.*
GlaDos: system disasbled, shutting down.
C.Cube...............................
......Shit.
LaD: Hey, i found the key to the back room, maybe we can still get those portal guns?
Concious choice:
Good, don't take any portal guns.
Neutral, take two portal guns, but pay for them.
Evil, take seven portal guns, don't pay for them.
My side of the party votes Evil, what about you Mcjesus?
kekeke
And before you say "But the original GlaDos was destroyed!", that was in our dimesion, in this dimesion, she never went crazy.
...Now that I think about it, I wonder what and where your alternate is.
McJesus: And the 7th is mine. Hokay, we're good to go.
Leejay: MJ, you want to have the first shot?
LaD: Hold up, what are these two knobs?
C. Cube: I.. I've never seen THOSE before..
BBR: Let's test it out then.
*BBR switches the first knob forward and fires into the distance*
*green portal is created, loud shwooping noise erupts from it*
*everything is sucked towards the portal*
BBR: (in surprsie) Ahh! *sucked towards it*
Leejay: My hand! Get my hand!
BBR: *grunts and reaches*
*Leejay slips*
Leejay: Motherfu-
*both get sucked in*
LaD: We have to find them!
C. Cube: Oh! I took the liberty of bugging you all last night, I can lead you to him.. he's... he's to the right?
McJesus: Well that shouldn't be too ha.......
LaD: Huh?
*party looks to the right*
*epic city is shown*
C. Cube: According to his bug.. he's in the centre of that metropolis.
McJesus: Well.. time to get movin' then.
LaD: Too bad they didn't make a sniper attachment to these things, or else I could just make a portal to the metropolis.
C.Cube: Well, anyway, let's never touch those things again, all right?
LaD and Mcjesus: Yep.
LaD: OH SHIT! WE FORGOT TO GET A PIP-*sees sign for ultra-cheap PipBoy 1 for 50 Gil at store located in the middle of York City* Nevermind.
*two hours later*
Here we are boys, York City.
Random Passerby: Cherrio, it's a jolly good day isn't it?
LaD: Oh god, the British must have won the Revoultionary War! America never existeds!
Random Passerby: And good thing for that to, in 50 years, global peace was acheived.
Mcjesus: Ok, this is getting freaky, let's just keep on going shall we?
LaD: Ok, the middle of the city isn't too far, so let's-*BOOM!*
PSHHHHH
STORY ENCOUNTER
Duh duh duha duhduh dhuhhh duhhud huhuh uduh dduhh
Two people in brown suits appear!
Brown suit 1: You guys took the portal gun shipment we were supposed to steal.
Brown suit 2: But now, you have to give them to us.
LaD: You guys forgot them, we have them!
Brown suit 1 shoots LaD with a AK-101 in the groin.
The lack of protection there is too much for LaD, and LaD falls down to the ground withering.
McJesus uses explosion to the head!
Critical hit!
The brown shirts are defeated!
McJesus: Oh damn, we need to get you to a hospital..
LaD: WHAT MADE U THINK THAT >:(
LaD: Just look through my pockets, I developed something I like to call stimpa-
Lawyers: COPYRIGHT INFRINGMENT! That name is used by the makers of Fallout, and liscences by them, you can not use the word stimpaks!
LaD: I was going to use the name stimpacks, not stimpak.
Lawyers: Oh...nevermind then.
LaD: Now where we..oh yeah, go through my pockets and look for some stimpacks in there, just use three or four of me and I should be fine.
*three stimpacks later*
LaD: Now we continue on!
*Party leaves, but C.Cube lags behind*
C.Cube:.......*eyeballs the brown suits corpses* I'll just take these off you, serves you right jackasses.
*twenty minutes later*
Mcjesus: Here we are, the middle of York City, C.Cube, where's Leejay and BBR?
C.Cube: Not too far, just a little past that PipBoy store.
LaD: I'm going take a look there and see if I can get PipBoys for all of us.
C.Cube: Don't forget these *hands me 2000 gil*
LaD: Where did you get this?
C.Cube: The brown suits, I already have three of their AK-101s, and the other one will go to Mcjesus, but I'm sure there's a weapon store around here.
LaD: I'll look for it if I have the time, now go find Leejay and BBR!
McJesus: *looting weapons store*
LaD: The hell you doing?
McJesus: Looting the joint, the place is totally deserted.
C. Cube: Sounds like a plan, everybody take what you can, but make sure it counts! Meet back in the square in about half an hour.
*half an hour later*
McJesus: I got 100 000 gil from the bank, a ton of weapons, rpgs and ammo to boot. I also snagged a couple of capsules..
LaD: Oh, like DBZ?
McJesus: Apparently..
C. Cube: What about you LaD?
LaD: Advanced Power Armor for all of us plus Leejay and BBR.
Leejay and BBR: Hey guys.
LaD: There you are. Now, let's get this holodisk inside my Pipboy 1 and....
Holodisk:
?????: This is AM-AN 10000, Is the package ready to go?
????: Yes, the package will be ready for the canary's surprise at 1000.
AM-AN 10000: Good, very soon, these Brits will regret ever preventing us from winning the Revoultionary War, did the orignial weapon work?
????: Yes, that parallel Earth was destroyed when the package was opened and the canary's surprises were activated.
LaD: Wait a minute, didn't you get a package for you're Hadron Collider?
Mcjesus: Yeah.......HOLY SHIT!
LaD: THOSE BASTARDS DESTROYED OUR PLANET!
????: The Brits are getting close to me, I have to cut off right now.
*end holodisk*
C.Cube: Now we know why our planet was destroyed, it wasn't due to an accident, it was due to those bastards!
LaD: This holodisk was made three days ago, we have no idea where they will strike next, let's look for the police station and see if we can get any info on these guys.
McJesus: We should head to the east, there's a ship there waiting for us.
LaD: Well... oka-
*lazer is shot at McJesus' head*
McJesus: What the..
McJesus: I. Don't Swear.
*another McJesus appears*
Leejay: The hell?
McJesus: That McJesus is an imposter! *shoots at other McJesus and blows his head off*
McJesus: MALFUNCTION UNIT 1A-74182 ACTIVATING SELF DESTRUCT SEQUENCE
BBR: Yoink!
*bbr portals himself away*
UNIT 1A-74182: ..7...6...5...
McJesus: Quick! Portal yourselves away!
*everyone portals themselves away*
UNIT 1A: 1... Hey, they sure thought with porta-- BAKKOOOOM
LaD: C'mon, lets head back to the dimensional rift, maybe we can find help in other dimensions.
Leejay: Sounds like a plan.
*at the dimesional rift*
BBR: I got this ultra-strong flexible titanium rope tied around me, and that building, I'm going through the dimesional rift to see where it leads to.
C.Cube: Altering my portal gun so it can change the location of the dimesional rift, that's done....and FIRE!
*cool special effects, then the dimesional rift changes*
*BBR goes through*
BBR: Wussy dimesion.
*C.Cube changes it again*
BBR: Hot but weak woman dimesion
C.Cube: This is going take a while, so you might as well just skip past this part.
LaD: Oh ok, at least he has the decency to tell us, unlike that bitch Meryl....
*SEVERAL HOURS LATER*
BBR: Fallout dimesion, let's...HOLY SHIT!
*gets pushed out by lazer blast*
Tycho: Who the fuck are you people?
Mcjesus: Want to help us with a dimesional conspiracy which if we don't solve, the entire multidimesionalverse could be destroyed?
Tycho:..........sure.
YOU HAVE GAINED...TYCHO!
Stats:
STR: 09
PER: 07
END: 08
CHA:05
INT: 10
AGI: 04
LUK: 10
(Special system, in other words, he's a really good character.)
Level 18.
Tycho: Also, I have this strange ability to see the most gruesome death in people, I call it the Bloodbath trait.
C. Cube: Great.. another mouth to fe.. wait a minute, I recognize this signal. *switches the dimension to 1AE-4412*
C. Cube: MJ.. take a look.
*I enter*
(from inside the portal) MJ: Oh snap!
*MJ's head pops out*
MJ: Guys, you'll never believe it! A dimension that I created!
Leejay: Wait, what?
C. Cube: Anything and everything that MJ has ever thought of, drawn, or even crossed his mind is in that dimension. His power over it is so strong that he controls the very space-time continuum in that dimension.
BBR: Sounds pretty laaaaaame.
MJ: Hookers!
BBR: Lame.
MJ: Thousands of them!
BBR: Let's go.
MJ: AIDS-free!
BBR: In!
*Several days later*
Mcjesus: Man, this is the life.
BBR: Gee, ya think?
LaD: Wait, weren't we supposed to do something?
C.Cube: Oh yeah...can't remeb-BOOM!
*dimesion rift collapses*
Everybody: Oh yeah....that.
MISSION FAI-C.Cube: Wait a minute, after days of studying the poral guns , I figured out that the second knob is a time travel knob!
LaD: So, we can just go back in time?
C.Cube: Yeah!
Mcjesus: So what the hell are we waiting for, let's go back in time just before we went to my dimesion!
*we all activate our portal guns, then use the second knob, twisting it to that exact time*
*PHHHHHHEOOOOOOOOOOOOOW*
LaD: OOF! Man, that hurt, at least we none of us got messed up.
Leejay: Uh guys...where's BBR and C.Cube?
C.BR: I think we merged.
Everybody except C.BR: HOLY SHIT THAT'S UGLY!
McJesus: *vomits*
Ragnarokia
HAPPY CAPS LOCK THURSDAY!!!
McJesus
HAPPY CAPS LOCK THURSDAY